Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize