you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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