im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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