using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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