Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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