Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
