Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
