Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
