i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
