if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
