are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize