woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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