I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
