I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
