He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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