I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
