You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize