I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
