Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
