I wannas sexs uuuuu
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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