I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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