your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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