Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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