I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize