You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
