Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
