I didn't shave. On purpose
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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