I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
