forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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