The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She needs sedatives and a leash
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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