My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
