dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
