So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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