I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
