My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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