I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bring money and cleavage
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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