She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
