FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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