Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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