ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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