fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
