I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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