I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
