I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
worst night to have a conscience
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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