I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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