we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
