It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
