i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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