My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
