I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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