don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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