At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize