The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
