You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
