We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
