Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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