The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize