he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
