I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
