Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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