And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
