are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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