He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
