I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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