so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
