I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
