I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
