I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize